So, are you actually Burt Stillwater?

In a way, aren't we all Burt Stillwater? Don't we all have that deep desire to live a life completely free of morality, of wondering how others feel about us, free of wearing pants? In another way, and perhaps the most important way, I am definitely not Burt Stillwater. Especially for legal reasons.

 So how did this start?

In August of 2025, I was in a small town in western Scotland. The only grocery store was a Co-Op. The Co-Op required a membership to shop there, and for that they needed a UK address and an email account. I found a random address, but I realized that in 3 or so weeks, some random person would be receiving a Co-Op card with my name on it. Burt was born. And somewhere in Scotland, a random person is wondering why the hell they received a Co-Op card addressed to Burt Stillwater.

 Who is this J person that receives these emails? Is that a real person?

J is very real. Once I was back in the states, I didn't want to squander a perfectly good email address, so I started using it to send him random messages. He's suspicious that I might be Burt, but I'll never admit the truth.

 Why does Burt have so many STIs?

Look, a man's gotta eat and if it takes a little back alley chicanery to make a buck, then Burt Stillwater is gonna make 10 bucks. He's a giver.